I had a rare, fleeting day of compassion for the President’s humanity recently while reading a Washington Post story, “Trump the victim: President complains in private about the pandemic hurting himself.” In the time of COVID, I suppose I can identify with being a victim of circumstance. The pandemic is confounding each of us in conscious and unconscious ways. The idea of the president feeling victimized reminds me of the TV ad of with the white guy in a suit at the desk complaining about “the man” who was reminded, “but you are the man.”
Publication of the President’s professional psychologist niece, Mary Trump’s, tell-all memoir which according to USA Today “almost turns The Donald into a sympathetic figure” though her sub-title labels him “the world’s most dangerous man” also lent to my empathy. Politico’s review of the book lifted a quote as a title, “He is and Always will be a Terrified Little Boy.” There is a lot packed into that but Trump the clinical psychologist says that Trump the president not only meets all the DSM traits for a narcissist, but also that of a sociopath.
It didn’t take long for me to wonder whether my bout of compassion was for the man or for all of us who are relentlessly exposed to his ubiquitous presence and whims of mood. If you think the human traits of a leader don’t matter, read Megan Garber in the July 16th The Atlantic who wrote a review of Mary Trump’ book entitled “How Americans Became Part of the Trump Family: The President’s dark emotional inheritance has become the nations.” She describes how the media has been molded by his approach in which “the breaking mood” exists as a genre of journalism in which “Trump’s feelings have become facts of American political life, and matters of life and death,” and “Americans…. live in the chaos that results.” Tom Waits sang of “an emotional weather report.” I now understand.
If you take the idea that a leader’s inner life is playing out in our reality, no wonder how over the past 20 years as I’ve tried to persuade many highly qualified citizens, people of character to step-up to public leadership that so many fear the exposure of public service. They demure at what it may take to get elected, and cite how much they dislike the nastiness of “politics.” In not stepping forward, not taking the opportunity to define the structures of political life, they defer these roles to those who assume themselves better equipped. Those who self-assess as better equipped are not always community minded. Some are self-glorifying. Some see the job as an opportunity for personal gain. Sure, it is simplistic; magnify the dynamic a few orders of magnitude and you have us here today.
For an election cycle and three years of office, it was a pretty good ride. With an uncanny knack for bulling-heading through legal issues, financial challenges, and basic truth by employing blunt denials, bluster and lies, the President defied recommended formulas for success. Part of the strategy, if there was one, was to appear un-bothered by being liked. He sought narrow high approval from a narrow segment of the populace over broader, watered down approval that those in the thick of governance usually must accept. Attack, then play victim. Establish a narrative of us-against-them. In spite of bouncing between the side-boards of ethical democracy, the President somehow appeared unfazed (depending on how you view Twitter posts). Then COVID, the need for action and actual policy, George Floyd…. None of us are untouched by this terrifying stretch of history. The President’s human flaws, self-doubt, regret, or compassion are not part of the image this President cultivates. His niece writes that these are not accessible to Trump. Don’t be waiting for a shift, this is Donald, the human.
This hasn’t been a great week, month or year for the President who prefers to appear larger than life, ride atop a wave of adulation, big crowds, fawning commentators. It is too bad that many Americans seem to think this is perhaps archetypal of an uber politician. Observing Trump and America has made me question if it is realistic to expect leaders to be selfless. Is it possible? Have we found a creature who is a magnification of our own inner selves?
If you think so, it isn’t encouraging for anyone when George Will, a stalwart columnist who writes, “The Nation is in a downward spiral. Worse is still to come” in the Washington Post.
It might be instructive to understand our nation’s highest elected leader’s veins are not pulsing with Teflon, that the same forces pressure all of us, but we each react in our own ways. How leaders respond matters. They take a cue from who they are. Some leaders take great efforts to humanize themselves through sharing their personal story. These stories matter. They can tell us a lot about ourselves. Which is why it is common today professionally to connect a “personal narrative” to a career, and demonstrate “knowing yourself” through strengths, flaws and experiences. Try interviewing these days without being asked about a flaw or something you could have done better. Tip – if you want to get hired into leadership, you better have some mistakes and be able to reflect upon them and yourself. In many circles, being authentic and human is still the gold standard for getting ahead.
I have a pile of leadership books beside me that espouse the strengths of “authentic” leaders (self-aware, genuine, and transparent), “vulnerable” leaders (Brene’ Brown’s oeuvre), “servant leaders” (who put their employees above themselves), “triple crown leaders” (positive, ethical, sustainable). These are not the President’s playbooks. For good measure, Google “Victim leadership.”
From my humble 20 plus years of experience, I continue to coach local elected officials to embrace leadership that engages their humanity is informed by it. In turn, if they are fortunate, they will be sculped by what they encounter. This is what those interviewers in HR are auguring at and what we should be seeking in our leaders. Those who embrace their flaws, recognize them will be better servants of the public trust, make fewer mistakes of ego, and be forgiven when they do. Leaders will engage more successfully with their constituents if they are transparent, humble, compassionate, and not self-centered. These leadership principles are also important counterbalances to some of the effects of power no matter how small the room.
Yes, all that is well and good, but whatever the pscychologists might say about the President, wouldn’t many of the President’s supporters point to his very superhero qualities as being his most relatably human: his oversized imperfections, his bombastic speech, his openly speaking what we know shouldn’t be said, even his playing rich, beyond the law, beyond reproach or apology, while also playing the victim? It would be a great reality show plot or comic book if it were not a part of our shared reality. Trumps ability to defy his self-chosen opponents also make him more like a character plucked from a comic-book superhero story. Of course, he is not.
The “negative” attention the President has attracted (as a career) would have long ago humbled or destroyed the careers of most mortals. In playing smashmouth to those challenges, he continues to play hero while embracing a victim-mentality. Many people relate to being victims. People also appreciate a hero who vanquishes opponents. Trump toggles between the hero and the victim. He inhabits life as a cartoon superhero. We might benefit from drilling further into his humanity, not just his mood.
At this historic point in time, other leaders might take on a variety of alternative approaches to leadership. I see it locally every week. Leaning-in to accessibility. Radical transparency. Excessive communication. Expressing empathy for very real suffering. Acknowledging injustices embedded in the system. Admitting mistakes. Studying, publicly explaining, establishing common ground before implementing policy changes. Calling upon our better selves. Cultivating hope. These are all approaches I’ve observed while watching county, municipal and state leaders during this historic shared experience.
Is anyone on either side of the fence still able to believe that Trump is able to act out of anything besides self-interest? Criticize Trump if you will, but the real villains in this narrative are those who were empowered, and then failed, in checking his humanity—Congress, the Courts, the electoral process, the structures that have imbalanced our electoral and political systems. People are people. Is there a system to check that?
He does not pretend to be for the common good. His is no superhero. He is deeply flawed human. Setting aside the artful political strategy of victimhood, superhero or human, the president’s leadership is strangely “authentic” to him. The question is whether it is authentic to us.
